Why I'm angry and upset at the following:
Hello all,
The main reason I’m posting this article is mainly to explain probable reasons for my behaviour, and to issue an apology to certain people. I know that some of my views would probably be considered offensive, to quite a few people, some of whom are my friends. They are only my views, and I do not wish harm upon the average Christian/Jew/Muslim etc.
So here it is:
I’m sorry if I have caused offence. I would like to explain myself:
By the way, this is a really long post. The blue text is the main reason. Skip past it if you want to, I have one or two new things further down as well…
_____________________________________________________________
Perhaps I should explain my background with religion…
I was bought up in a fairly atheist household. I was not baptised, as my parents decided it was up to me whether or not I became religious. From a young age, I was fairly critical of religion. Despite the fact it was seen as a joke between me and my few friends at school, I still hated the Catholic church’s views on homosexuality. I had also heard of the actions taken by the Pope and religious extremists, and liked to think of organised religion as “For silly and mean people”.
However, I still believed in the Christian God, mainly because of all the churches in Croydon, and how if so many people believe in this bloke in the sky, it had to be true. I lived a Godless lifestyle, although when asked, I would confirm his existence.
This would continue up to around late year 10 to early year 11.
After that, I started to become more “Jesus” orientated. I started to pray, every day every night before bed. I was determined to pray at least once every day, and I felt very uncomfortable when I didn’t (Although the cause of this was unknown at the time, I believe this could have been due to obsessive compulsive disorder). I still had a very liberal view of Christianity though, especially my views on gay rights and other religion. The first time I spoke properly of it was in a P.E lesson in year 11.
I asked David if he believed in God. Barham responded with a no, and that if a God did exist, he would hate “The Bastard”. I got offended by this, and wondered why he would act in such a “Spiritually ignorant” way…
Around this point, I started getting into the ideas of near death experiences. I went onto many NDE sites, and soon developed a small obsession with the (Fraud) Reiki healer, Tiffany Snow. I loved the idea though. Who wouldn’t? The idea of dying, and then seeing a light made out of love, made me feel amazing, special etc.
In February 2005, I joined a forum called “TheUndertaking”. It was a forum with a lot of (nerdy) people from my school. I first made my “Theist debut” (Comfirming myself as a theist) on a thread about the 2004 Tsunami. I saw David’s comments on there as “Unloving”, “Blasphemous” and “Ignorant”, and so I posted a fairly obnoxious post saying how he was “wrong” and such. I was high on the idea that this is what God wanted me to do, so I was pretty smug.
Dave responded with a fairly harsh (At the time), but well explained post telling me why I was wrong. Looking back on his “Cretin” remark, it made me slightly upset that this is what people thought of me, and how awful an impression I had made to everyone.
I was still high on new age Christianity right up to around October. At this point, I had got full blown OCD, and it was dominating my life. It want that bad, because I had Jesus to turn to, if you know what I mean, and I guessed I would just have to wait and let it go away. I was wrong.
During the holidays in October 2005, a series of events would happen that would make my life take a turn to the worse. A member of our family started preaching to me, my Dad and Jenny, about the return of Jesus, the tribulation, Revelations and such. This was in the bible, so it had to be true, but I just couldn’t believe it. There went my religious beliefs. At my Grandparents house, I searched for more information on “The rapture”, and “The tribulation”. I couldn’t believe my fucking eyes…
I got the basics of the Tribulation, and learnt a bit more about this Antichrist fellow, but I didn’t know how it was supposed to end. I thought it would be a happy ending for all of us, that love would triumph, and evil will be destroyed. I heard a bit from my family, but they hadn’t told me bluntly. I didn’t know what I was in for. On the 30th of October 2005, on my own, in my bedroom, I read Revelations for the first time…
The moment I finished Revelations, I stood up, calmly placed the Bible on my shelf, rested my head against the pillow, looked up at the ceiling, and for about half an hour, went into a vegetative state. I felt sick. Thinking about this, this was one of the worst events of my life, and I can recall almost every detail of it. I suddenly felt really heavy, and slowly got up to go for a drink of water. When you’re extremely stressed, you basically go blank, feel very tired, and yes, become very sick.
I basically realised that I had to get about three quarters of my friends and family to “Submit to Christ”, or they would face eternal hellfire for being “The unbelievers”. This was a horrific and very hard task to do, as most of my loved ones were strong atheists, or new age. I remember on the 31st of October, Halloween, running up to my church, opening the doors, turning the lights on the right side of the building, and I just dropped to my knees, and screamed/prayed. I remember tears running down my face, I was sobbing like mad, and I just kept asking God to forgive them for being atheists. I begged God that if I could make my Dad or other parent a believer, I would evangelise for the rest of my life. I ran home, and calling my Dad, asked for them to pick me up.
I decided that if I could get my Dad and Step-Mum (Or second Mum, the preferred name) to become Christian, it could get Mum to become a believer as well, creating a triple whammy. From then on, I would try to convert siblings and friends. I remember crying half the time at my Dad’s home. I just didn’t have the courage to tell my family that I had to convert them to Christianity or they would be “Cast in the Lake of Fire”.
I also had the need to pray and “Praise” God every 30-60 minutes. This was bought over by OCD. I also started undergoing some new changes.
I started becoming more right wing, and I had become unbearably homophobic. Around this time, I developed a huge avoidance to gays, and if I did have to be with them, I felt the need to talk to them about how great Christianity was. I was scared of the idea of having to preach to friends, as I was still very conscious about my reputation, and I would be scared about what would happen if David, Steve, Will, Albert, Jess (David’s girlfriend and a regular poster/mod on TheUndertaking), so, you know, huge amounts of stress.
Over a couple of months, I had shed some OCD, but it was still fairly bad, and I was still worried about the status of my loved ones. Eventually, I spoke to a Judaistic follower, who showed me the contradictions in the New Testament and Revelations. This was around March, and I quickly developed my new senses as a follower of Judaism. I called myself a “Son of Noah”, and started to become a bit more liberal, although not much.
This was short lived however, and in the craziest moment of my experiences as a theist, I became a follower of Islam for a weekend. This was one crazy motherfucker of a weekend, and one of the lowest points in this period. It gave me a Calvinistic viewpoint, the idea that we’ll be worshipping God for the rest of eternity (Providing we’re not in Hell for doing something that’ll piss Allah off, such as not worshipping him 5 times a day). At this point, I received a speech by my Dad and “Second-Mum” on why I shouldn’t be religious. It worked kind of, and when I got back to Ticehurst, I got rid of Islam, and adopted the new age practices.
It was quite relaxing at first, and I had gone back to my old views on homosexuality and such. I also developed my whole beliefs around Edgar Cayce, the supposed psychic. This was very short lived though.
And then out of the blue, one night, I was on Wikipedia, looking up techniques used by false psychics to get money of unsuspecting people, and there it was, “Edgar Cayce was often accused of Shotgunning and cold reading”. The moment I read that, the moment I turned an atheist.
So, you can see, I have a huge dislike of religion. When I mean that, I hate Christianity/Judaism/Islam a lot. This doesn’t mean, that I hate Christians, Jews and, Muslims. Far from it, I have many friends and family who believe in God, and we’re still getting along.
I am sorry if I do offend anyone on here, but these are just my opinions and views.
Anyway, to the next piece of this blog…
____________________________________________________
Right, I know there is a very small chance of her actually seeing this, but if you are looking at this blog, Ania Jack, then fuck you, piss off, and stop acting like such a fucking bitch.
With the very rare exception, every time I have ever spoken to you online, you should respond with “Fuck off” or “Go away Lynch”. Every time I tried speaking to you, I got a hostile response, no matter how friendly I was trying to be. I was just trying to be a nice person, and as soon as I said hi, I would be told to go away, or at least be spoken to in a uncaring manner so. You hurt my feelings really badly.
And with that in mind, there is no reason why I should keep you as a contact and/or talk to you…
_____________________________________________________________
Also, yes I know I’ve changed my official picture, but you know, I love googly eyes at the moment, they look so great…
_______________________________________________________________
Barham, if you’re reading this, perhaps we should discuss the whole “Team Atheist” comics more, get the idea circulating around. Hopefully the A+ coursework will go down well…
_______________________________________________________________
Me and David have also got some funny responses from the love of Tiffany Snow and “Billy Clark”. Ask us if you want to know what they say, but the fact they “Come in love”, have degrees in psychology (Controlling of masses “:-p”) and charge people for money for claiming that they can heal you… Billy Clark looks funny.
______________________________________________
Anyway, toodles guys, I shall return tomorrow to see how many comments I’ve got ( Its like a new Myspace for me).
Toodles…
The main reason I’m posting this article is mainly to explain probable reasons for my behaviour, and to issue an apology to certain people. I know that some of my views would probably be considered offensive, to quite a few people, some of whom are my friends. They are only my views, and I do not wish harm upon the average Christian/Jew/Muslim etc.
So here it is:
I’m sorry if I have caused offence. I would like to explain myself:
By the way, this is a really long post. The blue text is the main reason. Skip past it if you want to, I have one or two new things further down as well…
_____________________________________________________________
Perhaps I should explain my background with religion…
I was bought up in a fairly atheist household. I was not baptised, as my parents decided it was up to me whether or not I became religious. From a young age, I was fairly critical of religion. Despite the fact it was seen as a joke between me and my few friends at school, I still hated the Catholic church’s views on homosexuality. I had also heard of the actions taken by the Pope and religious extremists, and liked to think of organised religion as “For silly and mean people”.
However, I still believed in the Christian God, mainly because of all the churches in Croydon, and how if so many people believe in this bloke in the sky, it had to be true. I lived a Godless lifestyle, although when asked, I would confirm his existence.
This would continue up to around late year 10 to early year 11.
After that, I started to become more “Jesus” orientated. I started to pray, every day every night before bed. I was determined to pray at least once every day, and I felt very uncomfortable when I didn’t (Although the cause of this was unknown at the time, I believe this could have been due to obsessive compulsive disorder). I still had a very liberal view of Christianity though, especially my views on gay rights and other religion. The first time I spoke properly of it was in a P.E lesson in year 11.
I asked David if he believed in God. Barham responded with a no, and that if a God did exist, he would hate “The Bastard”. I got offended by this, and wondered why he would act in such a “Spiritually ignorant” way…
Around this point, I started getting into the ideas of near death experiences. I went onto many NDE sites, and soon developed a small obsession with the (Fraud) Reiki healer, Tiffany Snow. I loved the idea though. Who wouldn’t? The idea of dying, and then seeing a light made out of love, made me feel amazing, special etc.
In February 2005, I joined a forum called “TheUndertaking”. It was a forum with a lot of (nerdy) people from my school. I first made my “Theist debut” (Comfirming myself as a theist) on a thread about the 2004 Tsunami. I saw David’s comments on there as “Unloving”, “Blasphemous” and “Ignorant”, and so I posted a fairly obnoxious post saying how he was “wrong” and such. I was high on the idea that this is what God wanted me to do, so I was pretty smug.
Dave responded with a fairly harsh (At the time), but well explained post telling me why I was wrong. Looking back on his “Cretin” remark, it made me slightly upset that this is what people thought of me, and how awful an impression I had made to everyone.
I was still high on new age Christianity right up to around October. At this point, I had got full blown OCD, and it was dominating my life. It want that bad, because I had Jesus to turn to, if you know what I mean, and I guessed I would just have to wait and let it go away. I was wrong.
During the holidays in October 2005, a series of events would happen that would make my life take a turn to the worse. A member of our family started preaching to me, my Dad and Jenny, about the return of Jesus, the tribulation, Revelations and such. This was in the bible, so it had to be true, but I just couldn’t believe it. There went my religious beliefs. At my Grandparents house, I searched for more information on “The rapture”, and “The tribulation”. I couldn’t believe my fucking eyes…
I got the basics of the Tribulation, and learnt a bit more about this Antichrist fellow, but I didn’t know how it was supposed to end. I thought it would be a happy ending for all of us, that love would triumph, and evil will be destroyed. I heard a bit from my family, but they hadn’t told me bluntly. I didn’t know what I was in for. On the 30th of October 2005, on my own, in my bedroom, I read Revelations for the first time…
The moment I finished Revelations, I stood up, calmly placed the Bible on my shelf, rested my head against the pillow, looked up at the ceiling, and for about half an hour, went into a vegetative state. I felt sick. Thinking about this, this was one of the worst events of my life, and I can recall almost every detail of it. I suddenly felt really heavy, and slowly got up to go for a drink of water. When you’re extremely stressed, you basically go blank, feel very tired, and yes, become very sick.
I basically realised that I had to get about three quarters of my friends and family to “Submit to Christ”, or they would face eternal hellfire for being “The unbelievers”. This was a horrific and very hard task to do, as most of my loved ones were strong atheists, or new age. I remember on the 31st of October, Halloween, running up to my church, opening the doors, turning the lights on the right side of the building, and I just dropped to my knees, and screamed/prayed. I remember tears running down my face, I was sobbing like mad, and I just kept asking God to forgive them for being atheists. I begged God that if I could make my Dad or other parent a believer, I would evangelise for the rest of my life. I ran home, and calling my Dad, asked for them to pick me up.
I decided that if I could get my Dad and Step-Mum (Or second Mum, the preferred name) to become Christian, it could get Mum to become a believer as well, creating a triple whammy. From then on, I would try to convert siblings and friends. I remember crying half the time at my Dad’s home. I just didn’t have the courage to tell my family that I had to convert them to Christianity or they would be “Cast in the Lake of Fire”.
I also had the need to pray and “Praise” God every 30-60 minutes. This was bought over by OCD. I also started undergoing some new changes.
I started becoming more right wing, and I had become unbearably homophobic. Around this time, I developed a huge avoidance to gays, and if I did have to be with them, I felt the need to talk to them about how great Christianity was. I was scared of the idea of having to preach to friends, as I was still very conscious about my reputation, and I would be scared about what would happen if David, Steve, Will, Albert, Jess (David’s girlfriend and a regular poster/mod on TheUndertaking), so, you know, huge amounts of stress.
Over a couple of months, I had shed some OCD, but it was still fairly bad, and I was still worried about the status of my loved ones. Eventually, I spoke to a Judaistic follower, who showed me the contradictions in the New Testament and Revelations. This was around March, and I quickly developed my new senses as a follower of Judaism. I called myself a “Son of Noah”, and started to become a bit more liberal, although not much.
This was short lived however, and in the craziest moment of my experiences as a theist, I became a follower of Islam for a weekend. This was one crazy motherfucker of a weekend, and one of the lowest points in this period. It gave me a Calvinistic viewpoint, the idea that we’ll be worshipping God for the rest of eternity (Providing we’re not in Hell for doing something that’ll piss Allah off, such as not worshipping him 5 times a day). At this point, I received a speech by my Dad and “Second-Mum” on why I shouldn’t be religious. It worked kind of, and when I got back to Ticehurst, I got rid of Islam, and adopted the new age practices.
It was quite relaxing at first, and I had gone back to my old views on homosexuality and such. I also developed my whole beliefs around Edgar Cayce, the supposed psychic. This was very short lived though.
And then out of the blue, one night, I was on Wikipedia, looking up techniques used by false psychics to get money of unsuspecting people, and there it was, “Edgar Cayce was often accused of Shotgunning and cold reading”. The moment I read that, the moment I turned an atheist.
So, you can see, I have a huge dislike of religion. When I mean that, I hate Christianity/Judaism/Islam a lot. This doesn’t mean, that I hate Christians, Jews and, Muslims. Far from it, I have many friends and family who believe in God, and we’re still getting along.
I am sorry if I do offend anyone on here, but these are just my opinions and views.
Anyway, to the next piece of this blog…
____________________________________________________
Right, I know there is a very small chance of her actually seeing this, but if you are looking at this blog, Ania Jack, then fuck you, piss off, and stop acting like such a fucking bitch.
With the very rare exception, every time I have ever spoken to you online, you should respond with “Fuck off” or “Go away Lynch”. Every time I tried speaking to you, I got a hostile response, no matter how friendly I was trying to be. I was just trying to be a nice person, and as soon as I said hi, I would be told to go away, or at least be spoken to in a uncaring manner so. You hurt my feelings really badly.
And with that in mind, there is no reason why I should keep you as a contact and/or talk to you…
_____________________________________________________________
Also, yes I know I’ve changed my official picture, but you know, I love googly eyes at the moment, they look so great…
_______________________________________________________________
Barham, if you’re reading this, perhaps we should discuss the whole “Team Atheist” comics more, get the idea circulating around. Hopefully the A+ coursework will go down well…
_______________________________________________________________
Me and David have also got some funny responses from the love of Tiffany Snow and “Billy Clark”. Ask us if you want to know what they say, but the fact they “Come in love”, have degrees in psychology (Controlling of masses “:-p”) and charge people for money for claiming that they can heal you… Billy Clark looks funny.
______________________________________________
Anyway, toodles guys, I shall return tomorrow to see how many comments I’ve got ( Its like a new Myspace for me).
Toodles…
posted by Joe Mc'Lynch @ 3:05 AM
1 Comments:
At 18 June, 2006 22:00,
Anonymous said…
Hey, er. Pretty powerful stuff man. I did't know about quite a bit of this, but I appriciate that you can talk about it.
I hope you're okay now, and I'm sorry if I ever caused you any hurt during my more 'Militant Atheist' stage.
Catch you in psych tomorrow, lover boy.
MD.
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