My guide to fantasy worlds (Part three)
I can’t actually remember the story to the first parts of the trilogy, so I’m going to have a load of plot holes in this final chapter. So please bear with me…
_____________________________________
What happens to me (Part three)
Right, me, Steve, Will, Albert and our female sidekicks have defeated a massive 250,000 goblin army within a couple of hours, due to Bad-Ruler’s crazy antics. Sophie was decapitated, which upsets me a bit. We decide to cremate her, but due to the fact that I need cheering up, the body explodes the moment the flame touches the body, and the last goblin warrior is littered with shrapnel. Albert makes another wise-crack, and we all laugh merrily, forgetting about my former lover’s death. We then carry on into the night.
Bad-Ruler is becoming more and more crazy by the minute, so he decides to confront us personally. He jumps onto his giant duck-horse hybrid and heads off towards our final destination, which is called Hat. Hat is supposedly the place where “the ancients” used to live, so it seems like a good place to finish the story.
Its now almost full moon, and we’ve decided to set up camp. I was going to invite this one girl into my sleeping bag, but it turned out to my surprise that she had very crooked teeth, a very moody personality and bad hair. She also has three heads. Luckily, Albert has been using her third head as a punch bag for quite a while now. It’s quite funny, and now that I think about it, the third head hasn’t been moving recently. I think its dead. Still, even with that to smirk about, I’m still worried about what will happen to me and my friends. The fortune teller (who fought with us in the battle) told us that someone close to me will die, and I wont know who it is until it happens. Life sucks sometimes, but at least Bad-Ruler will die.
Anyway, Bad-Ruler has now got a four million man army to destroy us all. He sees this as a victory, even though you know he is going to die. He arrives at Hat to prepare for the greatest battle of all time…If he thinks he has a good enough army, it is going to be a laugh for him reading the next paragraph….
…As at this point I would like to point out that my story is better than other fantasy epics as my story has a battle with one billion creatures in the end. One Billion! That means his four million man army is going to have to face 996,000,000 soldiers from my team! Trust me, he is in for a very pleasant surprise…
In case you were wondering, we met the 996,000,000 people in an isolated settlement somewhere in the north. I’m so clever, I don’t know how I didn’t think of it until now. Also, if you think that we just casually asked them to join our side and fight to the death, and they just happily agreed, that’s exactly what happened. Sad really.
Anyway, we see Bad-Ruler and his troops on some big field. We all high five, and quickly reminisce about how we all met up and all the good times we have had. We know we may die, so we are very nervous, and even though nine hundred and ninety six million people are ready to fight to the death on our side, they’re still very small (about two feet tall) and haven’t had any food for a couple of days. Still, we decide to fight them, and we rain down arrows on them. Bad-Ruler’s army charges at us, and we brace for impact, knowing full well that the forces of good will prevail over his evil army.
Eight minutes later and pretty much everyone is dead, with the exception of say the LAN crew and Bad-Ruler. The goofy girl with three heads has been cut in half, and although the situation is tense, I think we were all a bit relieved when the axe sliced through her like a knife through butter. Bad-Ruler smiles, he knows he has won. After all, if his could defeat 99.06% more people than him, then surely he could take out four young adults, right?
Wrong! All of us run at him, ready for blood. He never knew what hit him, and sure enough, he dies. After realising how easy we survived in this story, we are suddenly teleported back into our school, in the middle of the dinner hall in the school. Of course, four people suddenly teleporting into a room doesn’t go unnoticed. Rather than running away screaming or what ever, everyone crowds around us in exited chatter. My confised brother, who is staring up at us with wide eyes whilst eating a sandwich looks up at us happily and says:
“ …What happened to you guys?”
“You don’t want to know, and that’s the truth (I smile and wink at the camera).”
Just when you think that the movie ends with that happy remark, "brother" starts getting really annoyed with my reply, and keeps yapping at me about why I gave such a shoddy reply, and keeps questioning me about why I'm not talking. In the end, I tell him to shut up, causing him to have a tantrum. He then punches me in the mouth, causing me to drop to the floor. I get up, blood everywhere, and trip up on a slippery floor. Relising my credibility has now gone, I crawl out the dinner hall and catch the bus home.
The end
____________________________________
Yeah, I really was hoping that the story was going to be better than that, but really I cant be bothered to give it depth. Oh well, gave it a shot, and I've seen worse stories, so three cheers to me!
Anyway, back to ranting...
_____________________________________
What happens to me (Part three)
Right, me, Steve, Will, Albert and our female sidekicks have defeated a massive 250,000 goblin army within a couple of hours, due to Bad-Ruler’s crazy antics. Sophie was decapitated, which upsets me a bit. We decide to cremate her, but due to the fact that I need cheering up, the body explodes the moment the flame touches the body, and the last goblin warrior is littered with shrapnel. Albert makes another wise-crack, and we all laugh merrily, forgetting about my former lover’s death. We then carry on into the night.
Bad-Ruler is becoming more and more crazy by the minute, so he decides to confront us personally. He jumps onto his giant duck-horse hybrid and heads off towards our final destination, which is called Hat. Hat is supposedly the place where “the ancients” used to live, so it seems like a good place to finish the story.
Its now almost full moon, and we’ve decided to set up camp. I was going to invite this one girl into my sleeping bag, but it turned out to my surprise that she had very crooked teeth, a very moody personality and bad hair. She also has three heads. Luckily, Albert has been using her third head as a punch bag for quite a while now. It’s quite funny, and now that I think about it, the third head hasn’t been moving recently. I think its dead. Still, even with that to smirk about, I’m still worried about what will happen to me and my friends. The fortune teller (who fought with us in the battle) told us that someone close to me will die, and I wont know who it is until it happens. Life sucks sometimes, but at least Bad-Ruler will die.
Anyway, Bad-Ruler has now got a four million man army to destroy us all. He sees this as a victory, even though you know he is going to die. He arrives at Hat to prepare for the greatest battle of all time…If he thinks he has a good enough army, it is going to be a laugh for him reading the next paragraph….
…As at this point I would like to point out that my story is better than other fantasy epics as my story has a battle with one billion creatures in the end. One Billion! That means his four million man army is going to have to face 996,000,000 soldiers from my team! Trust me, he is in for a very pleasant surprise…
In case you were wondering, we met the 996,000,000 people in an isolated settlement somewhere in the north. I’m so clever, I don’t know how I didn’t think of it until now. Also, if you think that we just casually asked them to join our side and fight to the death, and they just happily agreed, that’s exactly what happened. Sad really.
Anyway, we see Bad-Ruler and his troops on some big field. We all high five, and quickly reminisce about how we all met up and all the good times we have had. We know we may die, so we are very nervous, and even though nine hundred and ninety six million people are ready to fight to the death on our side, they’re still very small (about two feet tall) and haven’t had any food for a couple of days. Still, we decide to fight them, and we rain down arrows on them. Bad-Ruler’s army charges at us, and we brace for impact, knowing full well that the forces of good will prevail over his evil army.
Eight minutes later and pretty much everyone is dead, with the exception of say the LAN crew and Bad-Ruler. The goofy girl with three heads has been cut in half, and although the situation is tense, I think we were all a bit relieved when the axe sliced through her like a knife through butter. Bad-Ruler smiles, he knows he has won. After all, if his could defeat 99.06% more people than him, then surely he could take out four young adults, right?
Wrong! All of us run at him, ready for blood. He never knew what hit him, and sure enough, he dies. After realising how easy we survived in this story, we are suddenly teleported back into our school, in the middle of the dinner hall in the school. Of course, four people suddenly teleporting into a room doesn’t go unnoticed. Rather than running away screaming or what ever, everyone crowds around us in exited chatter. My confised brother, who is staring up at us with wide eyes whilst eating a sandwich looks up at us happily and says:
“ …What happened to you guys?”
“You don’t want to know, and that’s the truth (I smile and wink at the camera).”
Just when you think that the movie ends with that happy remark, "brother" starts getting really annoyed with my reply, and keeps yapping at me about why I gave such a shoddy reply, and keeps questioning me about why I'm not talking. In the end, I tell him to shut up, causing him to have a tantrum. He then punches me in the mouth, causing me to drop to the floor. I get up, blood everywhere, and trip up on a slippery floor. Relising my credibility has now gone, I crawl out the dinner hall and catch the bus home.
The end
____________________________________
Yeah, I really was hoping that the story was going to be better than that, but really I cant be bothered to give it depth. Oh well, gave it a shot, and I've seen worse stories, so three cheers to me!
Anyway, back to ranting...
posted by Joe Mc'Lynch @ 12:54 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home